The Art of Impulsive Decision Making

 

One thing about me growing up is that I was always an overthinker. Still am on some occasions, but lately ive been discovering the significance of making impulsive decisions. Not thinking, and just doing. That’s the only way I’ve been able to get over my fear of failing. When I give myself too much time to think about all the bad things that can happen with it, it starts to outweigh the positive outcomes, which I know isn’t right. And it wasn’t until last year that I realized how important it was to just go with your gut and what your heart wants, and stop listening to your brain so much. I’d like to dedicate this blog post to one big decision I made last year that changed my life. That was buying a ticket to Japan. I remember the day of, I walked to work crying. In the dark. In the rain. It was the perfect main character moment. All I could think about was how sick I was of that job, and how badly I wanted to quit. I was so tired, and was so sick of how lame my life was. I was stuck doing the same thing everyday, and realized that I became the one thing in life I feared the most- an average working citizen. Growing up, I always knew I wanted to travel the world, but I always saw it as something I would just do eventually. I never had any plans to do anything, I just told myself “it’ll happen. Not now, not soon, but one day. Hopefully”. Anyways, I finally got off my shift, somehow in a worse mood than I was in the morning, and thought about how I couldn’t do this another day. And I wouldn’t. It was late in the evening, I was scrolling expedia. Ah yes. A ticket to Japan. How crazy would that be… if i just bought it… non refundable…. No one could stop me.. And oops. My finger slipped!! And there I was just sitting there having just purchased a $3000 roundtrip flight to tokyo for a month with absolutely no plan whatsoever. No thoughts, no money, no plan, just a plane ticket and a dream. And I had two weeks to prepare. It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized what I had done. Freshly graduated high school, just turned 18 less than a month ago, don’t know how to start the laundry machine and now I need to figure out how to navigate a foreign country by myself. In less than a month. So yeah I was pretty much just scared shitless for the next two weeks, working my ass off to save enough money to nourish me throughout my trip, with no help from my parents (my dad just laughed and my mom disowned me (literally (but she apologized since then)) and forcing as much japanese vocabulary into my small brain as it could hold. And then the day came. And as soon as I stepped foot through the security I cried. Very loudly. And for a long time. Got lots of weird looks but I mean its an airport. I'm sure it's not the worse they've seen. But I pushed through it, knowing it was going to be the biggest adventure of my lifetime. And when I got there, there was not a single ounce of regret in my body. Now that I look back on it, I learned more about the world in that single month I spent in Japan than anything in school could’ve ever taught me. I dove head first into such a beautiful new culture, new country, new language with so many amazing new people. And yeah, I was literally scared out of my mind when I got there, but I took things one step at a time. Where I needed to go, how I needed to get there, what I needed to do when I’m there. It taught me just how big the world is. And how little of it I’ve seen so far. There’s so much more to explore and with that one stupid impulsive decision, I got one step closer to traveling the entire world. If I had looked at that expedia page too long, and started to overthink about all that could go wrong (which is a lot of things when it comes to me), i would've never done it. And yeah, a lot of things DID go wrong, but that made it all the more fun. It taught me things about myself I never would have learned if I had just stayed here in Stony Plain slinging burgers. I put myself out there, learned a new language, explored so many beautiful new places and met so many new people, and overall it was just such an incredible experience that never would've happened if I had let fear take over. Now, its 2023, and this mindset has taken over so many parts of my life. From getting to the gym to booking plane tickets, sometimes not thinking about it and just doing it is the only way to get it done. And who knows what kind of adventures you’ll get out of it. Might be amazing, might suck. But it’s one more adventure than you would’ve had if you didn't take the chance. So might as well just do it.

Making peace with problems

 Recently I’ve been struggling with a lot of personal issues in my life. Things with my family, friends, mental health, loss, money, you name it. I always have been, but over the past few weeks it has gotten significantly worse. I’ve always hated these things. Well, that's probably the most obvious statement ever, but I guess to be more specific, I was terrible at dealing with these problems. I don’t mean finding solutions or staying resilient, but I’ve always just kind of tried to… ignore them. I hated admitting that I was struggling. I still do, but I’m trying to get better at it. I’m starting to realize that everyone goes through personal struggles, and its only human for me as well. Reputation has always been one of the most valued factors in my life. I put a lot of energy and effort into perfecting how others perceive me, and to reach out for help and let people know that I am struggling would only interfere with the image of myself I wanted to exist out there. But by allowing myself to play this persona, I forced myself to struggle alone, pushing away help even though I really needed it, not only from other people, but from myself as well. I didn’t even want to admit to myself that I was struggling, and by pretending they weren’t there, they only grew bigger and bigger, continuously becoming more difficult for me to manage. I told myself I could deal with them later, and tried to relax and hide from them, but the guilt and fear just kept growing until I couldn't ignore it anymore. But at this point, many of the problems got too big for me to manage on my own. Finally, I sat myself down and acknowledged all the things I was struggling with. When I finally reached out, it helped me significantly with the progress of moving forward and getting better. Although it may have been stressful or even a bit embarrassing for me to tell people that I was in need of help, it did so much more for me than wallowing in sadness ever will. I am so grateful for my friends and family and mentors that have helped me through these times, and in the future, I hope to do better when it comes to sharing my experiences and what I am going through with others, because it may help them too

Resiliency

I lost myself in the past few weeks. I have been struggling with some personal issues, and I let them take hold of me. I had stopped going to the gym everyday, started eating less and allowing myself to get distracted so I wouldn't have to think about my problems as much. I would let my days waste away if it meant I could temporarily be free of all my issues and give myself a delusional sense of relaxation, when really, the guilt had just been building up in the back of my mind. I started making excuses for myself like saying its okay to take breaks (which it is, but not the way I was doing it lol), One of my main problems was that I was dealing with some relationship issues, and putting others  before myself, but not in a good way. Sacrificing my personal well being just to make someone else happy, and lost the sense of individualism that I had. But I took a few days to think it over, and I decided its time to get back up. I realized it’s okay to be down for a little bit, as long as I learn something from it, which I did. I realized the significance of my progress, and how much it hurt to lose it. One of my favorite feelings in the world is stepping on the scale and realizing I’ve gained weight. Knowing that all my hard work- working out, eating right, taking care of myself- is paying off, I don’t think there’s anything else that makes me feel more accomplished. And I lost that for a bit, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let that put me down. I had a rough few months, but I did my best to keep up, and now that I’ve taken the time to realize that, I’m going to continue to progress and put my well-being first always.

I forgot how much I love training. In the past few weeks, I’ve been using my phone, video games and tv to deal with my problems, which, as you can imagine, doesn’t really help. Doing all those things leaves me feeling drained, guilty, and doesn’t do anything to help me. But when I am training, being active and working out, I am focused and connected, and it helps way more than simply distracting myself. Not only does it allow me to think and reflect on my current situations, but I am also taking care of myself, and doing things I love. The feeling of success, accomplishment and progress takes a lot of stress off of me, and motivates me to just keep doing better. When I’m in the right mindset, training is my favorite thing to do, it makes me excited to do everyday tasks- like getting up in the morning, eating breakfast, walking to the gym, it just fills my day with adventure. I love romanticizing my training. Playing adventure music in the background, wearing a cool outfit, and especially being outside, it makes training feel like a game, and it makes it so much easier to create forms, especially with my Nan Dao form, cause then I just pretend to fight off ninjas or something. I don’t know if this sounds ridiculous or not, but one of the main reasons I joined Kung Fu was to just add more adventure to my life. Before I joined, my routine was pretty boring, and it was filled with mediocrity. I would spend hours on my phone, procrastinate on schoolwork, watch tv and eat one meal a day. But Kung Fu changed that. When I’m in the right mindset, I’m excited to wake up early every morning, I’m excited to plan and create 5 or 6 meals every day, I’m excited to take care of myself and see my progress and I’m always super excited to go to class or the gym. Basically my entire routine has changed, and I couldn’t be more grateful. And when I’m sticking to it, every day is a good day. Of course I have down days, of course I get sick or lazy and I kinda fall off for a bit, but the difference between past me and present me is that I want to get back up again. I want to use my full potential, and I want to live my best life. In the past, when I got down some, I would just let it happen, and I would stay there. But every day my resilience grows, and I’m realizing it’s okay to have problems and struggle, because that’s just what humans do. But the beauty is getting back up. Everytime I reconnect with my intentions and realize how badly I really do want all my goals- I come back wanting it more, and I start working harder again. Dwelling on the past and all my problems isn’t going to help me, but sometimes it just happens. It’s more about getting back up again, and continuing to look forward.

x

Constructing a plan

 

I often find myself making goals that I have no idea how to achieve. I write them down and just expect them to happen, usually putting a little check box at the end of the sentence as if it’s as easy as ticking it off and obtaining it. When I started a new paper journal, I decided to try something new. Dedicating one whole page to a single goal, and on that page would be a realistic step by step plan as to how I could achieve it. By creating a detailed plan, I put a lot more thought and effort into my goals which already raises my chances of achieving them, proving my desire to succeed to be stronger. This also gives me more guidance, something I can refer to whenever I feel lost or just need a little extra motivation. And by creating all these plans for all these goals, I’ve just constructed a larger and detailed plan of how I will become a better person, and live a life I can be proud of. Each one of these plans that I follow through with is a plan closer to bettering myself and succeeding.

I am Me

A seemingly obvious fact, and yet one I  tend to overlook the significance of. In the past, I’ve found myself in situations where I am trying to imitate those I look up to, successful people I wanted to be. I would force myself into habits, uncomfortable lifestyles and routines in order to be successful in the way someone else had. What I failed to realize is that although you may have a similar goal as another, the journey will ALWAYS look completely different. To achieve our goals, we must first understand how our body works, how our mind works, and discover how we connect with ourselves spiritually. By mindlessly following someone else’s routine, we push aside our individual needs and Our individuality is what gives our life meaning. Being who we are and living our OWN life is what it means (in my opinion) to live. 

Altering the mindset- i wish into how?

A lot of the times in class I find myself saying “this would be a lot easier if I were bigger or stronger”, “I wish I had the flexibility to do this technique better” things like that, just pointing out all the skills I don’t have and wishing that I did. What I failed to realize is the more I say these things to myself, the more difficult it seems to reach. By simply stating the words “I wish”, I am implying that they are goals I am not able to achieve, and the more I dream about obtaining those skills instead of working towards them, the further they go from my reach. This is when I realized I had to start changing my mindset. Asking myself, “how can I achieve this?” instead of “why can’t I do this?”. By changing my words into a plan, I am changing my wishes into goals, and goals into action. Coming up with ways to better myself for certain forms, techniques, kicks and punches. Dreaming is healthy, and fantasizing about being better at something is only human, but it’s when you actually start taking actions that they begin to turn into reality. This is a mindset I try to carry throughout my daily life, in everything that I do. Everytime I catch myself wishing something were different, I try to think of all the steps I can take to walk towards that goal. 

The Struggle to get Moving

Throughout the day, I’m always thinking about what I want to do later. My plans for the day are often more important than my present task, and yet when it comes to the time where I am actually able to act on these plans, I struggle to find the motivation to do so. I mean, being productive is only fun when you’re not actually doing it, and it’s a lot easier to think about than to actually do it. Today I was so excited to get home from school because I had a whole list of things I was going to do, I was going to clean my room, make a huge lunch, write in my bullet journal, make some jewelry then head over to the gym. Yea.. I didn’t do any of that. Instead I told myself “I deserve a break” then went over to the fridge, grabbed a huge slice of pie and watched netflix for 5 hours. Because obviously I needed a break from the extra long weekend I just had. The worst part is, I didn’t even enjoy it. I never do. The only thing that I get out of chillaxing the day away is guilt and regret, and a stomach full of processed sugars and fat. Great. Fortunately however, writing this has made me recognize this problem, and now I’m  actually gonna get my butt moving and do my best to prepare for tomorrow, because as always, I have a whole list of things I want to do tomorrow, but this time I’m actually gonna do it. I recognize now that the feeling I get from the end of a productive day is a lot more rewarding than the feeling of shame, and  pins and needles in my legs from sitting all day. 

The point is; when all we think about is the future, then we forget that we are living in the present. I often forget that I am living in the moment, and I can do literally whatever I want right now. I forget to think about my intentions within the smallest parts of my day that often seem so insignificant to me, and yet, it's the small things that determines whether it was a successful day or not. Living in the moment can mean two different things to me; it can mean recognizing my ability to make my day worth it, or it can mean giving into temptation and falling to unhealthy habits. Right now, I'm tryna master the first one. I guess what I need is balance.  A balance between planning for the future, and living in the present to take action. And when I say planning for the future, I mean constructing a realistic plan and recognizing how I can complete it, not just make a whole list of things I wanna do and hope I do it. But now that I've taken the time to really analyze my failed day, I've learned that one good thing has come out of this; a lesson. And now I know not to inhale a massive piece of pie and sink into the couch for 5 hours. 

So here’s to tomorrow, because it’s bound to be a lot more successful than today.